What you need to know when you decide to adopt
Congratulations on considering inter-country adoption to complete your family!
Congratulations on considering adoption to complete your family!
Adoption is as ancient as the first words. In an effort to protect the life of her child Jochebed placed her newly born son Moses in a basket and floated him down the river. As fortune would have it, he was found and adopted into the Egyptian Royal family. He went on to save his people and three and half thousand years later we still live according to the commandments he received from God.
Adoption is a very positive option for completing your family. It is the only chance for a child to lead a normal life. Not a special life, not an exceptional life, but a good, old ordinary life. Deprived of this a child’s prognosis is not very good. And deprived of children, couples who would like to be parents lead a sad and lonely future. And for the birth parents who through circumstances cannot bring up their own children, to know that they have been adopted, gives them the peace that they have done the best that they could.
Adoption though is not for everyone and there are many factors you must consider before embarking on the journey.
The most important is that adoption is for life. If you believe that once you come home with your child that is the end of the story you, you are sadly mistaken. The issues of adoption are always with you and your child. Sometimes weeks may go by without a mention of adoption or adoption issues arising, other times it becomes an intense scenario where all sorts of adoption related topics are revealed or examined in minute detail.
Shelly adopted her son as a baby and never had any problems with him. He grew up, fell in love and a day for the wedding was set. One week before the big day, he was jilted. The rejection from his future wife unearthed the deep rejection he felt from his mother. It was a burden to heavy to bear and he totally disappeared. Three years later and with much therapy they are a family again.
Much has been learnt and understood in the adoption world since then, especially about behaviour, attachment and ways to deal with them.
In the last ten years there have been great advances in brain science and it has become evident that early childhood trauma actually affects the development of the brain. This manifests itself in certain ways, some subtle and others more prevalent. Different schools of thought abound as to the permanency and seriousness of these shortcomings. Adoptive parents on the whole know that with love and correct intervention great strides may be made. Others may believe that these children are forever blemished or ‘defective’ and nothing will help them.
When you learn more about adoption, begin to know and understand your child, and develop parenting methods that make sense to your child, the early effects of trauma gradually diminish.
When my little son came home he was so confused and scared, adrenalin was coursing through his body. He reacted aggressively to any situation that took him out of his comfort zone, which was virtually everything. Poor mite would bang his head on the floor, on the wall, against the sofa, on the chairs. His forehead was permanently bruised and I was petrified. Today, five years later, apart from an odd spat every week or so, he shows no sign of the fear resultant from his inadequate beginnings.
I tell you all this, not to put you off, but to prepare you. In the following sections of the website you will learn more about the areas you need to consider before you embark on the exciting road into parenthood.