If I were a cartoon character I would be having flames coming out of my ears at this time.
I am spewing, and really, really riled.
I have just got of the phone to a potential adopter who is interested in adopting an older child and is open to a child with special needs. We need to doff our hats at this family in acknowledgement of how special they are, and offer or support. I am sure they were not expecting this reaction on their first meeting with the social worker, but at least an indication of welcome in coming forward to give a child in need a home. Alas this was not to be.
On declaring their intentions they were bombarded with a tirade of how dreadful these children are, how several years in an insitution has damaged them for good, how they will be a nightmare to bring up, how they will never be attached and will never trust the family, how ill and destructive they are and how the worst thing that this family could do is adopt a child from an orphanage overseas.
The family left in a state and cried themselves to sleep. They felt hurt and wounded. They had spent over a year on research and soul searching and had come to a point where they were ready to move forward. Each time they confronted the social worker with facts, she counteracted with myths. They felt stupid and isolated.
This is from a qualified social worker who works in inter-country adoption. Who is she and why is she in this job. First of all she is butt ignorant, secondly she has no right to be judgemental, thirdly she is completely unsympathetic and finally and most importantly she is not working in THE CHILD'S BEST INTERESTS.
The potential adopter, who was about to give up on her adoption dreams, said to me that she was imagining in the future meeting a child elking a living off the streets and tell them that she wanted to adopt them but was told she couldn't. How would that child feel, knowing that they had a chance for a family but some social worker in England sealed her fate.
How does this social worker sleep at night? Denying children a right to a family.
I must say I try very hard to find some respect for social workers but please this is outrageous and damaging and runs against the very principle of adoption - which is to find families for children in need. Here is a family and there are millions of children in need.
And more and more I am coming across our need to counter myths from these so called professionals with facts. So many times I hear 'I was told that I cannot adopt from X', and I ask them to go back and ask for evidentary proof - and the social workers are unable to provide it. Why? Simply because it does not exist. So please if you hear something that you know is wrong ask for evidentary proof. In this case the social worker would need to come up with research and facts to prove her ignorant and outdated views, but she would fail to find them. Simple because they do not exist.
Adopted children attached, adopted children overcome early trauma, adopted children are resiliant, and adopted children are robust. They are able to overcome the most difficult of circumstances with the love of a parent and the correct therapeutic parenting. They are able to adjust and flourish and are able to reach their true potential. Not only do I know this by keeping up to date with all the latest reseach and training, but also from evidentary proof. I USED to have a child with 'reactive attachment disorder' or 'early development trauma' or any of the other labels put onto these poor kids, I still have that child but he is now label free - he is a well adjusted, wise and stroppy teen. And quite contary to this social workers claim that 'It is the worst thing you could do..', it is by far the very, very best thing I have ever done. And I am so grateful, every second of my day, that I chose to give my son a home and a family.
Perhaps the social workers in adoption need to read Prof Compton's Book - Adopting Across Borders - How International Adoption Benefits Children https://www.haverford.edu/college-communications/news/adopting-across-borders to get an insight into how beneficial international adoption is for everyone - for the birth family, for the adopters, for the country, for the act of adoption and of course for the child, and the child's children and for all the furture generations.