I have decided to start a Frankly Outrageous Blog. Every time I speak to prospective adoptive parents I am going to let everyone know how they have been treated
March 1, 2014
How can this be? I have just spoken to a very distraught man who is an approved adopter..and has been waiting for ONE WHOLE YEAR to be matched with a child. What is this government doing? Do they not care about the kids. For this whole year a child has been in a temporary home? Withough having a mum and dad. I thought that things were changing in this country - but that does not appear to be so. He told me that the SW would radmonly come and check on them. The social worker will call them up and ask if they were at home and then say they were popping over. This is so wrong. And to add salt to the wound, this family was told to get rid of their dog. They were told that no one would look at them as parents for kids if they had a dog, Yes we are talking about a dog - man's best friends. They were so upset as this dog was part of the family, so they sadly rehomed their dog, only to sit with nothing happening and no child coming into their lives. It is really, really sad to know. Britain please look after your children.
I love this one. A single woman adopting internationally was accosted several times by her social worker to buy cosmetics that she was selling!! Good morning, just before we begin I'd like to tell you about this super face cream that you just have to buy.....I cannot even comment. Frankly, totally outrageous.
Had a wonderful street party yesterday. Always interesting to engage with a group of people. On mentioning I am in adoption there is always someone with a story to tell. And sure enough, a lovely couple at the other end of the street started to tell me their dreams of having children and becoming a family and how after all sorts of medical intervention, there dreams were dashed. "We considered adoption," says the wife, "but our friends were doing it at the same time we were doing our IVF and they were having a terrible time of it. When they told us that the social worker had been going through their underwear drawers (looking for porn), we thought no way could we go through all that. Its been tough road, as I always dreamed of having 4 children, but now I guess we are Ok." Going through someone's underwear drawer - that is so wrong on so many levels. A fantastic couple who could have given at least 2 children a home. Frankly outrageous.
Again despite the new guildelines "Agencies must not turn away potential adopters because of their age. There is no upper age restriction on applying to become adoptive parents, but there is aminimum age of 21 years. Older and more experienced people could take on the care of older children, provided they will have the health and vigour to meet thechild’s varied demands in their growing years and to be there for them intoadulthood. Age is also not necessarily linked to general health, fitness and emotional wellbeing. The agency’s medical adviser should investigate and obtain relevant information about a prospective adopter’s health in order to be satisfied that they are able to take on the task of adopting a child and have the expectation of caring for the child through childhood and into adulthood." a family has been turned away. On the first phone call, when stating their age they were told "Sorry, we think you don't have the energy of dealing with a child especially when they get to their teenage years". So an older child goes without a home and a family because the social worker THINKS, they don't have energy. All this without actually meeting them and having the medical advisor see their medical records. It is frankly outrageous. My heart goes out to waiting children, an 11 year old, a 12 year old who dreams of having someone plait her hair, or receiving some valuable tips on football moves, all because that person who has been entrusted with their protection, the social worker, thinks that they will be too difficult to handle. Shame on you.
Two weeks ago adopters called their London local authorities about adopting from Ethiopia. They were told to call back once the adopters had visited Ethiopia. Frankly outrageous what kind of information/advice is that?
A single adopter who is living in London wanted to adopt 4 years ago. She writes "I first approached them 4 years ago and they told me to go away and try and find a boyfriend for 6 months!"...Frankly outrageous.....and they wonder why children are waiting to be adopted....
I have just spent the last hour trying to call 6 adoption agencies to find out one bit of information. I have a protential adoptive parent and all I want to do is find out who will do the Home study assessment. This seems like such a simple thing...but it is not. There is no one at the end of the telephone line. There is no information on their local authority website and as I am in the know I have been trying to find this information out through other avenues...to no avail. Not one of the 6 adoption organisations I have tried to call has answered. This if franky outrageous.
If I was a very nervous potential adoptive parent and had spent sometimes years to come to this point of picking up the phone and this is the result..I would have broken my courage and I would return to my cave and spend the next several months trying to pluck up courage again.
How is it possible that the advice line is only open for an hour and a half a day and when you call in that time...no answer.
How is it that you say on your website that this is your adoption team...no answer
And so it goes on.
It is not surprising that there are thousands of children languishing in the system....I was lead to believe that things had changed....no they appear to be worse.
And the worst thing that I have heard in a very long time is:
"I am sorry...you are too Jewish to adopt from the UK"
It was my understanding, and I have to find the new legistation, that it is against the statuates to refuse a family based on religious grounds...and this was from an agency who I held in high regards.
I am back on the phone...business support officer...."eh inter-country adoption...I dont know. There is no one here who knows. Is Mr X there? No he is not at his desk....get me anyone!!
At last we have the information that I wanted..although it was not accurate..at least it is something. Phew.
A Friday in April
Ok this is an interesting one. One of our single adopters has spent the last 18 months preparing for her international adoption. Taking a big plunge she makes the call to her Local Authority. Surprisingly they were happy to hear from her and they inform her that they will call the following Thursday to do an brief over the phone. Unfortunately she didn't set a time...but took the whole day off work to wait for the phone call....it never came. Phew what a knock to her confidence. Building up all her courage she calls the following day to see what had happened. Oh sorry I got sidetracked was the answer - let's do it now. And for the next 40 minutes she is asked essentially everything that one goes through in a home study. Please bear in mind that she has never met this person and in fact doesn't even know her name. Sweating and feeling shaken due to the depth of the questions she finally ends the grilling. We will come back to you. And sure enough 3 hours later she recieves an email stating that the LA is reluctant to go forward, they feel that she is not fully aware of the complexity of inter-country adoption.....
.....and they want to see proof that she has £40 000 cash in the bank!
Most of the people who I have dealt with over the past 8 years have been fantastic. Some though are unbeliveable. I do most of this work voluntarily and my son and I have had to sacrifice to help others. But I believe it in and so I do it. But more and more I am reluctant to handle the 5 or so questions I get every day. If it leads to someone going further on their path I am happy and satisfied but when I have these kinds of conversations I just want to stop:
Thank you for your website and info. I have a few questions please. When you say overseas adoption is lengthy, is it years?
I have checked some orphanages in Spain, Argentina, Mexico, South Africa etc., they seem to charge no fees for giving out children for adoption, except for the legal clerical stuff etc., have you heard of anything like this?
We talked to a voluntary adoption agency today, first they said they don't have any children up for adoption in the UK, but bemyparent.com tells me otherwise. And they had no idea of the international adoption. Any ideas?
Thank you and have a good weekend
Sent from my iPad
Thank you for your email and congratulations on considering adoption to complete your family.
To complete an international adoption you are looking at about 3 years. May be shorter, may be longer.
Generally the adoption of children does not cost any money. The money goes to the 150 people who are involved in the process to make it all happen. This is why the costs become high.
I cannot believe that you were told there were no children to adopt domestically. Have you called your local authority. There are over 4000 children waiting to be adopted. Call Adoption UK for help.
There are 3 voluntary adoption agencies who deal with inter-country adoption - Intercountry Adoption Centre, PACT and Norwood.
You must be approved as a potential adoptive parent before you can adopt.
Hope this helps.
Please P please let us all know....